With another Christmas night under Santa Claus’ plus-size belt, we can’t help but wonder what kind of condition his ride is in after so many years of service. Most vehicles can only handle so many global circumnavigations. When it’s time to take the sleigh to the junkyard, here are a few vehicles that Santa Claus should consider for his next ride.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Eric wrote this piece in December and I forgot to post it. So, with Christmas almost as far away as humanly possible, I’m posting it now. If you’d like to have a family discussion about this topic, I suggest you print it out and save it for next Christmas, where you can argue about Eric’s choices in front of a nice warm fire.
Ford Super Duty
When it comes to hauling a lot of cargo through rough conditions while putting on a lot of miles, it’s hard to beat a heavy-duty pickup truck. What sets the Ford Super Duty apart from other big pickups is its aluminum body, which makes the truck pretty winterproof in the North Pole. Specifically, we’d recommend the F-450 dually with the snow plow package. Unfortunately, Santa might have a hard time finding a Ford dealer certified to do aluminum body repair around the North Pole. Find a Ford F-450 for sale
A commercial van is an obvious choice for Santa’s occupation — and out of all of the big cargo vans available, the Ram ProMaster is the only one with front-wheel drive. This has two advantages for Santa: It’s better in the snow than rear-wheel drive, and without a driveshaft or rear differential in the way, the cargo area is a bit more space-efficient. An extended high-roof ProMaster 3500 has an overall length of over 250 inches and a massive cargo volume of 462.8 cu ft., which is an awful lot of room for toys. If they’re good enough for the U.S. Postal Service, they’re good enough for Santa. Find a Ram ProMaster for sale
Subaru WRX STI
Okay, this one might not be ideal for delivering presents on Christmas, but what about the other 364 days of the year? Santa probably gets bored and needs to have some fun at the North Pole. Few things are more fun dashing through the snow than a Subaru WRX STI, thanks to its turbocharged boxer engine and all-wheel drive. Find a Subaru WRX for sale
Mercedes-AMG G 65
Getting to every house in one night is a tall order and requires some serious speed. It’s a tall order that would be made easier with a twin-turbo 6.0-liter V12 in a large box. With 621 reindeerpower horsepower, permanent all-wheel drive with three locking differentials, and 7,000 lbs of towing capacity, the ridiculous Mercedes-Benz AMG G 65 has everything Santa needs to get the job done. The only downside: We’re not really sure what Santa’s income situation is, and the G65’s quarter-million-dollar price tag is a bit hard to swallow. Find a Mercedes-Benz G-Class for sale