For those of you who aren’t well-versed in Black Friday, here’s how it works: Many retailers advertise excellent deals on their products, and people take note of these excellent deals, so they camp out in front of Best Buy for 16 hours in order to save $11 on a toaster. This actually happens. Every year, local news broadcasters go and interview these people, and they always say the same thing: "I’m sleeping on the sidewalk on Thanksgiving this year so I can buy a new hand towel for $3 off. WOOOO BLACK FRIDAY! HI, MOM!"
As you may have intuited from my tone in the preceding paragraph, I think this whole Black Friday thing is kind of stupid. Instead of spending your money on heavily discounted iPhone cords, you should be buying cars. I’ve listed five vehicles that are much more worthy of your hard-earned money than some Black Friday deal. I’ve chosen each based around one simple theme: I think they’re all really cool. Here they are.
2012 BMW X5M – $40,994
The X5M seems to have it all: the upscale features of a full-size luxury sedan, the 550 horsepower of a performance car and the upright seating position of an SUV. I’ve also found you one that is both a) bright blue and b) $40,000 — which isn’t so bad when you consider that the original starting price, just 4 years ago, was $88,300 with shipping. I especially like that gorgeous cream-colored Silverstone interior. I want this car much more than I want $12 off a 32-gigabyte SD card. Find a 2012 BMW X5 M for sale
1994 Land Rover Defender 90 – $65,999
Is anything cooler than a North American-spec Land Rover Defender? The answer, of course, is no. Nothing is figuratively cooler (as in, "Oh, you camped overnight in a Home Depot parking lot on Black Friday to get $37 off a washing machine? That’s cool!"), and nothing is literally cooler, since the tops on these soft-top models don’t seal very well, and the heating system isn’t all that good. These are also slow, inefficient and unreliable. Don’t my praises just make you want to spend $66,000 for this 1994 example with 32,000 miles? Find a 1994 Land Rover Defender 90 for sale
2012 Mercedes-Benz E63 AMG Wagon – $58,881
Here’s a car that needs no explanation, but I’ll provide it anyway, because it’s my job. Behold, a 2012 Mercedes-Benz E63 AMG Wagon, offered for $58,881 at Euro Motorcars in the Washington, D.C., suburb of Bethesda, Maryland. On the outside, this wagon doesn’t look very remarkable, unless you know what it is: a 518-hp super-wagon that looks just as comfortable on the drag strip as it does in the carpool line. Find a 2012 Mercedes-Benz E 63 AMG for sale
2007 Porsche 911 Turbo – $64,890
Who doesn’t want a Porsche 911 Turbo? The answer: People who have kids. People who have dogs. Old people. People who don’t want to drive a stick shift. People who don’t care about performance. People who want better gas mileage. People buying cars for teenage drivers. People who live on mountains. In other words, most people. For the rest of us, there’s this 2007 911 Turbo, offered by BMW of Okemos for $64,890. Wouldn’t you rather buy this than 8,100 Sharpie 4-packs, each of which is available on Black Friday for $3 off? Find a 2007 Porsche 911 Turbo for sale
2013 Toyota Land Cruiser – $52,999
The Toyota Land Cruiser may just seem like any old Toyota to the untrained observer — but to those of us who know what to look for, it’s special. The off-road capabilities. The long-term lifespan. The go-anywhere engine and transmission combination. And the amazing list of in-cabin amenities that you’d never expect to find on such a tough vehicle. While $52,999 may seem like a lot of money for a 3-year-old Toyota with 69,000 miles, few vehicles can do what a Land Cruiser can. Our only gripe: We wish it could do it a little more efficiently, as the Land Cruiser returns just 13 miles per gallon in the city and 18 mpg on the highway. Find a 2013 Toyota Land Cruiser for sale