One of the great things about our nation, America, is that we have the ability to order vanity license plates that say virtually anything we want. The primary reason this is great is that it allows us to scream personalized insults at drivers who have these plates when they cut us off in traffic.
I was sitting around the other day, pondering the whole vanity license plate thing, when I had a thought: I wonder what cars have the vanity plate "FAST" in all fifty states. Surely, such a simple, pointed license plate will be on a slew of Lamborghinis, Ferraris and Porsches, registered to owners who are tremendously proud of their vehicles’ exceptional performance.
So I did a little searching, and I uncovered vehicles bearing the "FAST" vanity plate in 28 of the 50 states. (In the remaining 22 states, it’s either not taken or registered to a vehicle that predates the switch to the 17-digit VIN number in 1981.)
And the verdict is … you’re going to be disappointed.
There are no Ferraris with the license plate "FAST." No Lamborghinis. No Porsches. The closest we come is in Idaho, of all places, where the "FAST" plate is aptly registered to a 2005 Ford GT. Other good ones: It’s on a 1988 Lotus Esprit in Louisiana, a 2008 Shelby GT500 in Maryland, a 2005 Mercedes-Benz AMG SL65 in Nebraska and a 2013 Chevy Camaro ZL1 in Vermont. (Vermont! Where an automotive splurge is opting for a cargo mat in your Subaru Forester!)
But the number of disappointing cars far outweighs the exciting ones. The Connecticut license plate "FAST" was wrestled away from proud owners of Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Maseratis, Mercedes AMGs and BMW M cars by … a 2007 Honda Accord sedan. No, I’m sorry. An Accord SE sedan. In New York, "FAST" is on a 2008 Ford Escape. In Oregon, it’s a 2006 Toyota Highlander. And in Virginia, the ultimate insult: "FAST" is on a 2008 Honda Odyssey. Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve driven an ’08 Odyssey, and the only time it’s FAST is when you’re two exits from home and your 4-year-old really has to pee.
Then there’s the other surprise: In Alabama, "FAST" is registered to a 2006 Prevost bus. Most car enthusiasts won’t be familiar with the Prevost bus, so I’ll explain it to you: Imagine a toaster. Then add wheels. Then enlarge it so it shares the size and approximate velocity of a middle school gymnasium. That’s a Prevost bus.
Anyway, here’s the full list of "FAST" plates so that you, too, can experience the disappointment.
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