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Autotrader Find: Armored Chevy Suburban With a Smoke Screen

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author photo by Doug DeMuro August 2016

This 2011 Chevy Suburban is listed on Autotrader for $75,900. It's black, it has tinted windows, it has cruise control and it has audio controls on the steering wheel. From the driver's seat, it seems like a normal Suburban in every way. Until you notice that the windows are thicker than an iPad.

Seriously. This Suburban is armored with 1.7-inch-thick glass which, according to the description, "meets the minimum EN 1063/br6 requirements with approach and shooting angle at 990 degrees." I have no idea what any of that means, except this is probably not the Suburban you want if you're just looking for a vehicle to tow your lawnmower.

Actually, the fact that this is an armored Suburban is nowhere near the craziest thing about it. When describing its features, the selling dealership -- DC Motors in Anaheim, California -- notes that it features a public address system with siren, a fire suppression system, a four-piece run-flat tire system that allows it to drive for 50 miles "post puncture," reinforcements for virtually every single part and a smoke screen system.

A smoke screen system.

The ad also mentions that this particular Suburban includes heated seats and a navigation system -- for added comfort and convenience as you drive through a live-fire drill -- and seating for seven passengers, so your whole family can peacefully traverse a standard four-explosion Hollywood chase scene.

Me, I'm just curious about one thing: With all that glass, and all those added systems and all that reinforcement ... how much does this thing weigh? After all, isn't it just so annoying when you successfully fend off rapid artillery fire, only to get bogged down in soft mud as you make your escape?

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This image is a stock photo and is not an exact representation of any vehicle offered for sale. Advertised vehicles of this model may have styling, trim levels, colors and optional equipment that differ from the stock photo.
Autotrader Find: Armored Chevy Suburban With a Smoke Screen - Autotrader