Image by McMike
It’s been a long time coming, but the moment has arrived: It’s time for me to choose a new car. A new DougCar. A new vehicle that will star in my columns and videos, and eventually be tremendously hard to sell because I did a bunch of crazy things with it, like drive it through a peat bog. And you’re going to help me choose it.
BUT WAIT! Before you scroll down to the bottom of the page and tell me to buy a wheeled hot dog stand, it should be noted that there are rules and regulations you must abide by. For example, rule No. 1: no wheeled hot dog stands — a nacho stand, maybe, but only if the cheese is especially gooey.
No, no, there actually are rules, and you must follow them or else I will completely disregard your suggestion. And yes, I know that by saying this, many of you will make especially ridiculous suggestions that violate each of my rules. This is, after all, the internet. But here they are anyway:
1. Where to suggest.
As usual, you can make your suggestions right here on Autotrader.com/Oversteer, on my Twitter or Facebook page, or in the comments of the YouTube video attached to this column. I say “as usual” because I once tried to convince people to solely make suggestions in the comments section of my column, and instead I got about 4,000 suggestions elsewhere. It was like trying to build a fence in the sky to contain a cloud.
HOWEVER! only the best suggestion here will win the grand prize: a signed copy of my book, “Bumper to Bumper.” Some of you may not consider this to be a prize. I, of course, believe it is the finest prize of all. This is partially because my book is wonderful, and partially because you can use my signature to access my checking account.
2. What to suggest.
There are only three guidelines about what to suggest. No. 1: You should only suggest cars you really want to hear about for a year. In the past, I’ve asked you what car to buy, and some of you have told me to get an M3 or a WRX — these are terrible suggestions. Everyone has an M3 and a WRX. I need something unique, something exciting, something you’ll want to read about in columns and hear about on YouTube videos every week or so for a year. What I am saying is: Do not suggest anything boring.
Another rule: Make sure the car is usable. Yes, it would be cool to buy a monster truck Saturn that some guy created in his backyard in West Virginia. But if the ad’s description includes something like “ran when parked in 2004, when I decided to devote myself full-time to getting on Survivor,” then I don’t want it. I want something I can use for crazy stunts whenever I want, without having to worry about whether it will run that day, or whether I’ll have to go to my obscure car’s mechanic and ask him to order a part that went out of production in 1987.
The final rule: This new DougCar is going to be in addition to my Aston Martin — it won’t replace it. And since Aston Martin is something of a serious sports car, sort of like my Nissan Skyline GT-R was last year, I want you to suggest cars that are a little more ridiculous, a little more comical and a little more bizarre — sort of like the Hummer was last year. It’s always good to have a yin and a yang.
This car should cost no more than $40,000. OK, maybe $50,000. OK, maybe $60,000. The truth is that the budget isn’t as important as the ability to sell the car in 6 months, 8 months or 10 months for roughly what I paid for it. In other words: No, I am not going to purchase a Ford Focus RS for $38,500 plus a dealer markup and my liver — if I match the sales manager’s blood type. I need a car I can buy, drive for a little while and sell without losing 20 grand in the process.
So there you have it: all the guidelines you need to know before suggesting the next DougCar. Now, go for it: Offer your suggestions, make your case, and tell me what car I should buy next. I’ll be accepting your suggestions until the middle of next week, at which point I’ll write another column that sums up all the statistics about all the crazy cars you told me to buy.
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