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Video | Here’s Everything That’s Broken on the Cheapest Hummer H2

I fully expected my latest Hummer purchase to be controversial — but this is the first time I’ve been accused in the comments section of having brain damage. Clearly, I need to un-brainwash everybody, so we can all appreciate my Hummer H2 as the future collector’s item it will most certainly become. Before I start winning hearts and minds, though, I need to fix my very broken example — and it’s going to cost way more than I expected.

When I bought the cheapest H2 I could find sight unseen from the East Coast, I was expecting the worst. The rig I got was actually fairly solid, and was running and driving fine — but clearly, the previous owner had let plenty of things go unrepaired. A cracked windshield, along with bald, mismatched tires were obvious tells for neglect based on the pictures — so I had a good idea of what I was getting myself into. Issues found when I took delivery, like a flooded driver’s footwell, a glitchy instrument cluster and broken exhaust manifolds, weren’t surprising at all. My mechanic, the Car Wizard, also found a few issues — like an oil leak from the oil filter housing and worn steering parts — but, once again, nothing major. Before we sat down in his office to write up a repair estimate, I was actually pretty proud of myself.

The laundry list of problems didn’t concern me, since I thought the repairs would be cheap — given much of the mechanical bits are shared with a Chevrolet Suburban. What I didn’t do during all my brilliant assumptions was simple math: unfortunately, when you add up all of these affordable $200 to $400 repairs, you can get one massive bill. In the case of the Hummer, the total came to a whopping $4,800!

When you add fees and shipping to my repairs and purchase price, that puts me over $12,000 into a slightly crusty H2 with 195,000 miles. That really hurts, especially since examples with half the mileage, and in much better condition, are available for the same money. Obviously, I’m not going to spend that much, so I’m to have to cut a few corners, and I’ll need to get hands-on with the repairs to save some money. I’m scared to tackle the rusty exhaust manifolds myself, but most of the other repairs look to be fairly easy.

But don’t worry: even though my H2 is nearly totaled from death by a thousand cuts, I’m still determined prove the greatness of this misunderstood SUV. Perhaps if I didn’t base my entire online persona off making horrible purchase decisions, my arguments would be a little more credible — but I don’t think I’ve embarrassed myself yet. Find a Hummer H2 for sale

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